sala'am hammam

This morning I went to the hammam for my first time ever. Lonely Planet, who has done a terrible job of guiding me on this trip, tells me that they are a fantastic cultural experience and I will not regret it or be weirded out or anything, but I was totally weirded out by the whole thing.

Hammams are like a communal bathhouse and are gender segregated so us dudes can be dudes, amirite, fellas? and are popular because many Moroccan houses don't have running water, or at least, not hot water.

I had meant to go to one of the older ones in Fez or Marrakesh, but obviously I was too busy having kick-ass adventures and sleeping late to make it to one. Fortunately, there are two in this town (three if you count the one at the fancy hotel but that one costs $40 so I do not count it)and one is right beside my hotel.

I finally woke up early enough to go (men get the morning, women get the evening, I don't know why this is but I'm sure there is a very sexist reason for it)and gathered up an extra pair of underwear, my flippy-floppies, and a towel. I was a little concerned about what would actually happen inside as I had no idea if I would have to be butt naked or bring my own soap or what. Lonely Planet spends more time talking about pubic hair trimming than what you're supposed to wear inside the hammam (seriously), so I was very glad I had that with me.

When I went inside there was this incredibly ancient frail man who spoke with a combination of mumbled spanish/arabic and very forceful but vague hand gestures. He was the worst at charades, and all he was trying to do was tell me to follow him. I was only wearing my underwear and flip flops and he led me through 4 smelly tile chambers until we arrived in the main bath room. He then produced a disgusting piece of soap with lots of little black hairs embedded in it and told me to sit down. There was one other dude in the room who was younger but just as skinny, like, almost arms-for-legs skinny. The old dude then proceeded to scrub me (i was a little worried about what was going on because he wasn't happy that I had only paid $3CDN) but he wasn't messing around and scrubbed the heck out of my neck, back, and hair and then told me to do my chest and legs, but was never happy with my work because (i think) I wasn't doing it vigourously enough. After a little of this he made me understand that he was finished.

I think he wanted a tip, but I had no money and he didn't speak english or french so who the hell knows?

Anyways, it was weird as hell and, while I am kind of glad I did it because now I know, I don't think I will ever do it again. I'm leaving morocco tomorrow so i really had to get it done. Also this means the next time I rap at 'ya it will be from Spain. Adios!